When the going gets tough, the tough get...counseling?

Marriage is hard. Ask anyone who has been married for any substantial amount of time and no doubt they have weathered some storms. Are you ever as amazed as I am when you meet a couple who has remained faithful for 25, 30, or even 50 years? What's their secret? How can we too enjoy the benefits of a long and healthy marriage?

First and foremost, you cannot have a strong marriage without Christ at the center. A man is called to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and a woman is called to respect her husband and submit to his authority. These unique, God-given roles cannot be fulfilled without a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Second, we as Christians committed to our marriage cannot be afraid to admit that we could use some help. It is no shameful thing to need a safe place to be open and receive wise counsel. I guarantee your marriage will be stronger for it. The longer issues remain undisclosed or pushed under the rug, the more detrimental to your union in the long run. Even if the issues seem "minor," it may be the best option to go and talk things out with an impartial third party before they are suddenly not so "minor." The smallest, seemingly insignificant annoyances could be the very things that drive an insurmountable wedge between the strongest of bonds.

Counseling, however, does not necessarily need to be a formal affair with a licensed therapist, or even your pastor. Remember those faithful couples I mentioned earlier? Don't you think they might have a thing or two to teach us about perseverance in marriage? I am so thankful for the Godly couples God has placed in our path to mentor us and encourage us along the way. Couples who have even been on the brink of divorce, and yet, are still going strong. God expects these older couples to mentor, teach and encourage young newlyweds. As a young wife and mother, I appreciate all the practical advice such couples have to give.

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified" Titus 2: 3-7

Even if you and your spouse are not experiencing difficulties, you can still reap tremendous benefits from the wisdom of a husband and wife who have "been there." First, talk with your spouse about the idea and discuss couples you know whom you both admire and respect. It should be a couple you agree with theologically, and feel have a strong walk with the Lord. Make sure you both feel comfortable with them and feel that you will be able to be open and honest. Also, make sure you are both ready to approach your marriage with a teachable heart and no one is going into it ready to "fix" your mate. We all have our issues! This is about learning to be the best wife (or husband) you can be by focusing on what you can do to make your marriage strong. It is also essential that neither spouse begin pointing fingers or playing the "blame game." This is not healthy and will only bring further harm on your marriage. Once you are both open to meeting with an older couple, approach them together and let them know how much you admire their commitment to God and each other. Let them know that you would like to learn more about how they are still so in love after all these years. Plan on meeting together as often as you feel necessary, in an environment where everyone is comfortable.

And most importantly, have fun! You're building a marriage that your children will appreciate and admire, and that will last a lifetime!