The Search for Significance

As a woman, where does your sense of significance come from? What is it in your life that makes you feel important? Worthwhile? Like what you're doing matters? For me, it used to be working hard, getting good grades and achievement awards, receiving a math degree and then a Masters, then on to a full time job. I got up in the morning, went to work, confident in my abilities. I had professional, adult friends, with whom I could have adult conversations.

And then I had a baby. And the whole world changed.

Suddenly, my daily routine consisted of feedings, diaper changes and talking and cooing to a baby until she was finally ready for a nap, only to then do it all over again when she woke up, squeezing in a shower whenever she was sleeping and I happened to have enough energy. I was in a constant state of exhaustion because my child is anti-sleep, and most days looked at the clock at 5 pm sighing, "Seriously, where did the day go? The house is still a mess, and I haven't even stepped outside. What did I do all day!" How could I feel like I had never worked harder in my life, while at the same time feel like I wasn't "doing" anything?

At the time I made the decision to stay home with my daughter, I had no doubt it was at God's leading, and that at this point in my life, taking care of her was to be my priority. But I'm not going to lie; I had a slightly idealized view of what life would be like as a stay-at-home mom. I expected playful afternoons with a happy baby, a nice dinner on the table, peaceful walks around our neighborhood, and complete fulfillment in the joy of being a new mom.

What I experienced instead were overwhelming feelings of insignificance, unimportance, inadequacy, and utter exhaustion. I felt like being "just a mom" was not enough, and certainly nothing special. I mean, remember how I spend my day? Feed, change diaper, play, nap, repeat. Nothing special.

God has slowly been teaching me many things as I continue on this journey that is motherhood. First and foremost is that my identity, my significance, is in Him. I have been chosen to be a daughter of the King of Kings! It doesn't get much more significant than that!

But second, I am learning that what I am doing is important. Incredibly important. I may not receive any accolades, compensation, or even a pat on the back, but God has charged me with the responsibility of raising, loving and teaching this little girl. And one day, I will be held accountable. Today, I learned exactly how what I am doing right now impacts my child. Studies show that environmental influences in the first year of life have a huge impact on brain structure and development, and that the environment affects the number of brain cells, connections among them, and the way they are wired. These things are happening right now, and are affected by the nurturing environment I provide! In addition, I am affecting the emotional development of my daughter. Child development experts agree that a secure attachment with the mother forms the foundation for the child's entire self-structure and identity.

Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." I'll be honest, in the past this verse did not provide much encouragement or motivation for me. I felt like I wasn't there yet. I mean, I know I am to teach my daughter the truth, and teach her to love others, to share the gospel, etc; but, we're not there yet. She doesn't even understand basic words like cat and dog. I'm not even sure she recognizes her own name yet. But I have to start now if I want to be capable of training up my daughter in the way she should go later. If I want her to trust me, and love me, and listen to me, I have to start nurturing her now and build a strong bond, and a caring, safe environment. If I completely neglect my role at this early stage, what would the reaction be when I suddenly expect her to listen to my teachings and respect my discipline? Probably not very positive.

I love the warning from Jeanne Hendricks that instead of being consumed by making a better world for our children, why not focus on making better children for our world. What you do as a mom is important. Being a mom matters.

Read these lyrics to "One Heartbeat at a Time," by Steven Curtis Chapman and be encouraged:

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

And you're changing the world,