Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a tricky thing.  Easy to say, but hard to do.  You know, and really mean it.  It's something we strive for (hopefully), but how do you know when you have really forgiven someone?  And what if you feel like they don't really deserve forgiveness in the first place? 

Well, I have a few thoughts on this thing called forgiveness today (for several reasons, but mostly because that's what was preached on in church this morning), and so I thought I would share.  You know, because you're just dying for my opinion.

I guarantee you have been hurt by someone at some point in your life.  Well, me too.  Sometimes, I get mad, then I get over it.  Simple enough.  But sometimes, I just cannot get over it, no matter how hard I try.  All the feelings just keep bubbling up, and I continually play the moment over and over again in my mind, and I think of all the things I wish I had said/still want to say.  In the quiet moments, when I am by myself, lost in my thoughts, the hurt and resentment comes out and I find myself sitting there, stewing in anger.  That is how I know I have not truly forgiven.  How I know I have yet to move past whatever offense was done or said against me.  How I know I need to go to the Father, and work through my feelings, and finally forgive.

You see, there are several reasons why I should forgive, rather than harboring such hurt and pain.  If you are a child of God, then you know what true forgiveness is.  God has forgiven me for more than I can bear to admit, and yet I stubbornly refuse to forgive someone else of so much less?  Romans 5:8 tells us that God loves us so much, He was willing to forgive us, die for us, while we were still sinners.  I personally offended the God of the entire universe with my sinfulness, and yet, He forgives me.  Therefore, when someone does something that, quite frankly, pales in comparison, surely I should be able to forgive them (Col. 3:13).

Besides the fact that we should be willing to forgive because we ourselves have been shown such tremendous forgiveness, we should forgive because it hurts us more not to.

"Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
         Do not fret—it only causes harm." Psalm 37:8   

We have all been there.  Angry and hurt, while the person who hurt us is completely clueless, and is going on with their life as if nothing happened.  Although there may be a part of our selfish human hearts that wants to believe we are "getting back at them" with our bitterness and resentment, they have no idea they even hurt us in the first place.  And although it may be easier to ignore the hurt, and pretend like we have moved on, we are only hurting ourselves more in the process, and probably those around us as well.

This may all sound well and good, but how does one actually go about forgiving someone? Forgiving the truly painful hurts that run so deep?  Well, we discussed some practical steps this morning that I would like to share:

1.  Reveal my hurt.  Admit that something someone did hurt you.  Write a list of the offenses.  Talk about it if you need to.  Don't pretend nothing is wrong, or act like their actions didn't hurt.  It's ok to feel hurt.  You have to be able to admit that before you can move on. 

2.  Release the offender.  Once you have let out (out loud or on paper) what has hurt you, you have to release the offender.  Forgive.  Allow yourself to move on.  Make things right with that person.  

3.  Replace the hurt with God's peace.  This is very important.  Don't let your heart be filled with anger or malice or resentment, but instead be filled with the peace of God (Col. 3:15).  A peace that can only come from God.     

I hope you will strive to live each day at peace with everyone in your life, and not let anger and bitterness build up.  God has much better plans for you than that!