Bring the Rain

It has been almost two months since my son was born.  54 days to be exact.  (But who's counting, right?).  And he is still in the hospital.  He still has moments when he struggles to breathe.  The holes in his heart are still open.  There are constantly ups and downs.  I have tried to stay strong and stand firm in what I KNOW is the truth:  God is in control of this situation, and will heal my son in His time.  I have tried to be patient, but I am not naturally a patient person, so this is a challenge.  I have tried, but I am not perfect.  Pretty far from it, in fact.

And so, I have had moments where I have not handled this all that well.  Thankfully, I serve a loving and forgiving God, and I am able to humbly come before Him and seek forgiveness.  Then I get up, brush myself off, and try again.  I recently came upon this quote from Brother Yun in his book, The Heavenly Man.  I have not actually read the book, but thought this was a powerful quote:
 

"We shouldn't pray for a lighter load to carry, but a stronger back to endure! Then the world will see that God is with us, empowering us to live in a way that reflects his love and power."  Brother Yun, The Heavenly Man

This challenged me.  There are days when I do not think I can endure anymore, but the Lord renews my strength.  Somehow, I make it through each day, and even during the worst days, I am still able to praise God.  But am I living in a way that others see this strength in me?  A strength that is not my own, but wholly and fully from God?  I hope so.  Yes, some days, I fail miserably.  I get frustrated, try and take matters into my own hands, act rude to the people I love.  I could go on and on, unfortunately.  But all I can do is ask for forgiveness, and start each new day afresh.  Psalm 51 states:

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
    Do not cast me away from Your presence
         And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
    Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
         And sustain me with a willing spirit.
    Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
         And sinners will be converted to You.  (v. 10-13)

My prayer each and everyday is that God would give me the strength to endure whatever comes my way in this life, and that through life's trials, people would see the amazing God that I serve.  Would see the amazing miracles that God is capable of.  Because I do not make it through each day by my own doing, in my own strength.  It is completely, 100% God.  Shortly after my son was born, I was expressing to a friend my struggles to somehow find some sort of balance in my life through all this, and she said, "Let God walk with you...no, walk FOR you."

One of my very favorite songs is Bring the Rain, by Mercy Me.  If you really hear the lyrics, it can be a hard song to sing.  A hard prayer to pray.  But if God needs me to endure trials and suffering in order that His will be done, and His name glorified, I am ready and willing.     

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through.
The question just amazes me.
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days,
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm.
But instead, I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above,
Because You are much greater than my pain.
You who made a way for me
By suffering, Your destiny.
So tell me, what's a little rain?
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain,
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain