Adventures in Mess Making

So, my daughter has recently started eating solid foods. Normally, she is very neat and tidy when she eats. I know what you're thinking; "Yeah, right. What baby doesn't make a huge mess?" But seriously, she almost never makes a mess, almost to the point of not needing a bib. Today, however, this was not the case. I guess she was just too tired to worry about staying clean, and since I knew she was taking a bath after anyway, I just let her make a mess.


After sufficiently getting food on every imaginable surface within reach, it was definitely time for a bath!

ALL BETTER!!

The Search for Significance

As a woman, where does your sense of significance come from? What is it in your life that makes you feel important? Worthwhile? Like what you're doing matters? For me, it used to be working hard, getting good grades and achievement awards, receiving a math degree and then a Masters, then on to a full time job. I got up in the morning, went to work, confident in my abilities. I had professional, adult friends, with whom I could have adult conversations.

And then I had a baby. And the whole world changed.

Suddenly, my daily routine consisted of feedings, diaper changes and talking and cooing to a baby until she was finally ready for a nap, only to then do it all over again when she woke up, squeezing in a shower whenever she was sleeping and I happened to have enough energy. I was in a constant state of exhaustion because my child is anti-sleep, and most days looked at the clock at 5 pm sighing, "Seriously, where did the day go? The house is still a mess, and I haven't even stepped outside. What did I do all day!" How could I feel like I had never worked harder in my life, while at the same time feel like I wasn't "doing" anything?

At the time I made the decision to stay home with my daughter, I had no doubt it was at God's leading, and that at this point in my life, taking care of her was to be my priority. But I'm not going to lie; I had a slightly idealized view of what life would be like as a stay-at-home mom. I expected playful afternoons with a happy baby, a nice dinner on the table, peaceful walks around our neighborhood, and complete fulfillment in the joy of being a new mom.

What I experienced instead were overwhelming feelings of insignificance, unimportance, inadequacy, and utter exhaustion. I felt like being "just a mom" was not enough, and certainly nothing special. I mean, remember how I spend my day? Feed, change diaper, play, nap, repeat. Nothing special.

God has slowly been teaching me many things as I continue on this journey that is motherhood. First and foremost is that my identity, my significance, is in Him. I have been chosen to be a daughter of the King of Kings! It doesn't get much more significant than that!

But second, I am learning that what I am doing is important. Incredibly important. I may not receive any accolades, compensation, or even a pat on the back, but God has charged me with the responsibility of raising, loving and teaching this little girl. And one day, I will be held accountable. Today, I learned exactly how what I am doing right now impacts my child. Studies show that environmental influences in the first year of life have a huge impact on brain structure and development, and that the environment affects the number of brain cells, connections among them, and the way they are wired. These things are happening right now, and are affected by the nurturing environment I provide! In addition, I am affecting the emotional development of my daughter. Child development experts agree that a secure attachment with the mother forms the foundation for the child's entire self-structure and identity.

Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." I'll be honest, in the past this verse did not provide much encouragement or motivation for me. I felt like I wasn't there yet. I mean, I know I am to teach my daughter the truth, and teach her to love others, to share the gospel, etc; but, we're not there yet. She doesn't even understand basic words like cat and dog. I'm not even sure she recognizes her own name yet. But I have to start now if I want to be capable of training up my daughter in the way she should go later. If I want her to trust me, and love me, and listen to me, I have to start nurturing her now and build a strong bond, and a caring, safe environment. If I completely neglect my role at this early stage, what would the reaction be when I suddenly expect her to listen to my teachings and respect my discipline? Probably not very positive.

I love the warning from Jeanne Hendricks that instead of being consumed by making a better world for our children, why not focus on making better children for our world. What you do as a mom is important. Being a mom matters.

Read these lyrics to "One Heartbeat at a Time," by Steven Curtis Chapman and be encouraged:

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

And you're changing the world,

Positive Thinking

Do you ever get so hung up on something that it's all you can think about? Something that upset you or worries you or hurt you? I realized the other day that I seem to have this problem a lot. Somehow I get consumed by whatever is going on or happened to me in my life and I can't seem to get over it and move on. Now, of course I realize that for practical reasons this is not healthy. But there's more to it than that. This is not how God expects me to spend my time and my energy. Philippians 4:8 states, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

When I get upset and worked up about something that made me mad, or someone who hurt me, or something I am stressed about, God gets upset! These things are not honorable, or pure, and certainly not lovely! And yet, how much of my time do I waste worrying about why someone did what they did, or said what they said? What could I possibly gain from focusing on the things that hurt me?

Please understand, I am not about to go off on some new-age tirade about how "we are what we think," or how "every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing." (Seriously, what does that even mean?) I am not writing a self-help post to teach you how to take control of your thoughts and focus on the "positive energy" in the universe. There are a lot of false teachers out there leading people astray from the truth, teaching that there is a secret to thoughts that will somehow "attract" money and good health to you like a magnet or that controlling your thoughts will bring some false "inner peace." These teachings are not truth and are not found in scripture.

BUT, scripture does say that we are to think about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. This is what God expects of us. He does not promise wealth, health, or even necessarily happiness, in exchange for thinking good thoughts. He simply says, "This is what your mind should focus on." This has been a hard lesson for me, because I have been truly convicted. I get so emotional, and so upset by something that was said, or someone who hurt me, and I think about it over and over. I think about why it happened, wallow in self-pity, and what I should do or say about it. Instead, I should focus on the things of God. I should think about the truth of scripture, or the many wonderful ways people have treated me, and taken care of me. I should think about all the reasons I have to praise God. And believe me, there are many! Many more than all the negative thoughts that fill my head, that's for sure!

So today, I am committing myself to surrender such thoughts to God the minute they pop into my head, and find something pure and lovely to focus on instead. This can truly be a challenge sometimes, but it is what God commands in His word, and therefore, what I will strive for.

Where the heart is...

I have been a lot of places and seen a lot of things in this world. Ok, not as much as some, but I've been around. I grew up on the coast loving the beach, spent time in the mountains and valleys of Virginia, now live in Texas, and have visited various other parts of our vast country. I've been to what seemed like every corner of Great Britain, and just across the border to Ontario, Canada. But through all these adventures, truly nothing compares to the rolling hills, beautiful beaches, copious lakes and more than 16 volcanoes that lie deep in the heart of Central America, in the country of Nicaragua.

Nicaragua is a country with a rich and vast, though sometimes perilous, history. And although Nicaragua is the second most impoverished country in Central and North America (followed only by Haiti) you will not find a more warm, loving and inviting people in all the world. I am constantly amazed at how quick Nicaraguans are to invite me, a complete stranger, into their home. These amazing, beautiful people, who often have nothing more than a hammock and a tv in their small, one room home, want to share what they have with me. A North American, who knows only about 5 spanish words! But perhaps what I love most about the people of Nicaragua is not their willingness to open up their home, but their desire, their hunger, to hear the Gospel. When I introduce myself, they are not only ready to invite me in and hear what I have to say, they call their entire family, and maybe even some neighbors, to hear as well!! They drop everything they are doing, pull up a chair, and listen with an intensity that you often do not see in even the most vibrant and lively churches here in the States. They are thirsting for something to put their hope in, something to cling to. Because believe me, many of these people will never see prosperity this side of heaven. Many will never have fine clothes, or a nice house, some will never have good health, or even a hot meal. They don't place their trust in the things of this world, because they don't have the things of this world! They know that what they need is the saving power of Jesus Christ, and they are dying for someone to tell them how to get it! Once word gets around that the North Americans are there (it doesn't take long) it is not surprising to have people chase you down the street and beg you to tell them about Jesus.

When is the last time you saw that in your backyard?

It is such a reality check whenever I am blessed to have the opportunity to visit or serve in Nicaragua. I get a chance to re-evaluate my life and my priorities. I am constantly reminded of all the stuff that we have here. Stuff that we don't even need, yet feel is so essential. I am continually in awe of the beauty of God's creation, and privileged to be able to explore His beautiful land. But most of all, I am humbled. Humbled by the generosity of the people, humbled by the way so many are forced to live, and finally, humbled by the fact that for some reason, God chose to give me the opportunity to share His love with so many. That God chooses to use me in mighty ways to further His kingdom. That God would use my weaknesses to show His power and His strength to a lost and dying world. It is something I just cannot comprehend.

Well, I could go on and on about my adventures in Nicaragua, and I have so many fun stories to tell, but they will have to wait for another day. For now, just know that Nicaragua, with its beautiful landscapes and wonderful people, is where my heart is.

Be anxious for NOTHING

I have been through some trying circumstances in recent weeks. As I am trying to adjust to staying at home with my daughter, other stresses have come up in our church family, as well as at home in my sweet little family. And although not all the stresses are bad, it causes me to be anxious none the less. While I absolutely believe in a loving, sovereign God, I am human, and let's face it, I worry! And how do I typically handle said worry? By bottling it up inside, sifting through all the what-if's, listing every stress and trouble to friends and wallowing. But what does God intend for me to do with such worries?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ." Philippians 4:6-7

First of all, notice that Paul clearly states that we are to be anxious for, what now? Work? Family? Illness? Finances? No. "Be anxious for NOTHING." There are no exceptions. No loopholes. This is not a friendly suggestion to help you live your best life now; this is a command of God. As His child, He expects me to be anxious for nothing. Period. He's the one in charge, not me, so what do I have to be worried about anyway?

Right now you may be thinking, ok, easier said than done! True. That is why Paul explains how exactly to go about this. "In everything," every single burden, stress, and concern, big or small, "by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Tell God what you're worried about! Tell Him your frustrations, your desires, your hurts, your struggles. Get some things off your chest-don't worry, He can handle it! Also notice that yes, he says by prayer and supplication, but then also says "with thanksgiving." You may have a lot of concerns that need to be made known to God, and you may have a lot of needs that need to be met, but you are to come before God with a humble spirit. Come before God thanking Him for what He has already accomplished in your life. Thanking Him for your current circumstances, that you might learn and grow. Thanking Him for Jesus Christ and His work on the cross! Trust me, we have much more to be thankful for than we ever realize or acknowledge! (Or is that just me??) So then, after we have spent this time in prayer before the Lord, then what?

And then, friends, all worry and anxiety are replaced with peace. The peace of God that will guard our hearts and minds from the burdens and stresses of this world. A peace so marvelous that we can't even comprehend it. Isn't that an amazing promise? Who wouldn't love to discard their worry in exchange for peace? So spend some time in prayer today, thanking God, and setting all your worries aside.

Wait on the Lord

"Do not hide your face from me,
Do not turn your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me, nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
But the LORD will take me up.
Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a level path
Because of my foes.
Do not deliver me over to the desires of my adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27: 9-14

Baby Dedication!

Yesterday, my husband and I officially dedicated our daughter to the Lord. We committed ourselves to raise her to know and love our Lord Jesus Christ, and to continue to model a faithful and growing relationship with Him ourselves. As exciting as this event was (and a joy to share our commitment with friends and family), it is also mind boggling to try and comprehend this immense responsibility we now have as parents! We will stand before the Lord in judgment one day and be held accountable for the job we did in raising this beautiful, precious gift. We must be kind, loving and patient and devoted to teaching the truth. It is a rather large task that we have before us, but I am thankful that God feels us competent enough to handle it!!

I pray everyday that I will be the mom God wants and expects me to be, and I pray for my daughter, that she will have a personal relationship with Jesus. I pray that she will have a servant's heart, a love of the gospel, and a passion for God's word. I pray she will love others before herself, teach the truth in love, and not be ashamed of the gospel to save a lost and dying world.

I am truly truly blessed! Here are some pictures of my precious girl during her dedication. Enjoy!